It’s common for kids to constantly complain and whine for things they want. Complaining isn’t good, we know that; but what if your kid involves in a sort of ‘it’s not fair’ kind of attitude to complain things. When kids say things are ‘not fair’ towards them, they are indeed posing the most frustrating and dreaded statement to their parents. Whether it is for an extra piece of dessert, or a new pair of shoes, or a gift from a relative, the phrase can literally put you down as if you are not doing justice to your child. So, how to handle such a situation and stop children from thinking the wrong way?
At Banyan Tree School, in our years of experience in educating and grooming the young minds, we have noticed that for children, it’s always about ‘them’. Hence, in one way or other, they are usually right in their thoughts. Children have a deeper sense of their wants. This is because young children seldom understand the rule of fairness and equality the way the adults do. They are not tuned to see things logically and from the other person’s point-of-view. So, for them, if they are not getting what they want, or someone takes more privileges than them, then ‘it’s not fair’. They can always find something to grumble about. It is hence the responsibility of the adults to teach them valuable life lessons out of their fight over unfairness. The way the adults, particularly the parents, react and respond to the whining complaints of kids can have a direct impact on their emotional development.
The right way to deal with complaining kids
Generally, it’s hard for children to understand what fairness means, why a sibling is getting some extra attention/privileges, or why a friend is getting more gifts than he gets. They are often wired to think complaining pays off. But, parents need to take a different approach in responding to their ‘unfair’ complaints. First of all, you need to understand that it’s totally normal for a child to feel that way, and when he/she talks about being fair, you are in a position to respond to them in a way that they drift away from petty grudges or complaints and focus on willingness to contribute rather than complaining.
For instance, when you convince a complaining child with a pliant response such as ‘it happens in life’ or ‘this is how the world works’, the little one will start thinking that he/she has no control over anything and will eventually develop a victim mentality. Likewise, if you respond to the child with an aggressive attitude or spring into action each time he/she encounters something unfair, the child will probably grow up into an overly demanding adult. So, the healthiest approach you can take for your kid’s “it’s not fair,” attitude is by maintaining a balance of empathy and encouragement in your response.
Acknowledge their feelings
When your kid is in the moment of ‘that’s not fair’ complaint, do not try to argue or reinforce his attitude. It is necessary to validate the child’s feelings, even if it might be little out of proportion to the situation. Rather than getting into an argument with your child, simply acknowledge his experience. This will help avoid your kid sulking into an all-out temper tantrum. Approach your child with a sense of empathy for his/her feelings and an openness to talk through the matter. Knowing that his emotions are validated by others can help the child tolerate unfair situations in a better way and will also help him to move on graciously. This way, you will have more success in tackling your child’s complaints.
We, at Banyan Tree School, listed among the top 10 schools in Chandigarh, believe that the best way out to manage a complaining child is to win his confidence and let him know that you understand how he feels. Instead of scolding the child for unnecessarily throwing tantrums, hold your patience and try to connect by bowing down to his level. So when your child complains next time, look at it as an opportunity to teach him life lessons and help him gain control over his thoughts, emotions, and behavior.
